Am I Always Out Of Place?

“When the lights go out, the demons come out…” Everyone asleep, but here I am lying deflated with my eyes immensely widened and experiencing no scope of sleep.                                                                                                                                                                    And I cultivate into someone else entirely, someone who is stuck in her own scampered thoughts, someone who is trapped in the enigma of herself!!🤔

I lie supine, thinking of what not and then I realise that the earphones are still on, the music smothered under my bustling thoughts is still playing. I shook my head off in order to get rid of those glutinous thoughts emerging in my mind, but….hmph!! Eventually, I did not realise when I elapsed into a deep slumber when it was already the next day, the tapering sunshine descending on my arid face.. And what I see next is that everyone’s already awake. And I think to myself that “Am I always out of place?”. When everyone else’s slept, I am ‘owling’ like anything and when I rouse up, I have no one beside me. 

I think that sometimes, think that maybe I am missing out on what others are experiencing, missing out on perhaps the life what others enjoy living, think that maybe I’ve been continuously failing to grasp their genre and horizons. But then I am dragged to a belief and I feel that the elegance of my peculiarity is much much better, at least for me!! I feel that the vague spot of mine is apt for me, at least it’s my own!!  And finally, I attain an answer to that question of mine… I ain’t out of place always, rather most of the time that ‘place’ is out of place for me..!! Because you can’t blend in when you were born to stand out.💕☺


A Woman-to-be..

I and my cousin were sitting in a room, watching television and, to brake the monotony we started talking about random topics.  Eventually, the conversation grew a little more serious when she began to tell me something. She narrated an incident which lately took place. While, she walked out of a metro station, she came across some ignoble boys who attempted to annoy her and behaved inaptly. Somehow, she managed to elude from that grotty mob. While, she was narrating the entire incident, I could imagine the whole situation through her doleful eyes.And all of a sudden, a weird grin broke across her face. She said,”That day, I wasn’t disgusted because something like that happened to me but because I was standing there unable to stimulate myself, just standing there without uttering a single word, just standing amongst that swarm, helpless and ashamed of myself.” Her firmly clenched teeth could clearly indicate how frustrated she was with her silence that day. Nowadays, maybe women is a usual topic to write. This incident is not at all the reason behind this post but what happened next was what inspired me to write it down. 
After listening to her, I asked her whether she had told her elder sister about this or not and has this ever happened with her too…!!

Her answer was true but bitter and crude..She replied, “Yup, I told her…I haven’t really asked her about this, I don’t know but yeah, certainly, it must have happened with her too”

I mean, is it a tradition or something that every woman has to go through.This nefariousness is so usually occuring and widespread!!

I had to gather a lot of courage to write this down.. I am not quite mature and grown up to comment upon anything, but to be honest, having been exposed to such a society is really mournful!! 
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                 IT WAS A SUNDAY…                                                                                                                          I along with my little sister and grandparents were sitting at the dining table, discussing, chattering and having enormous fun. Eventually we came up with a game which was all about choosing a name out of two options to whom we loved more.. Not even taking a millisecond, my sister stood up frantically and commenced the game in a very straightforward manner by asking sort of a moot question. She wanted them to opt between their children and grandchildren that is us!! I stared at her and gave her a could-you-just-shut-up look, but at the same time I was eagerly waiting for them to answer too!🤗

There was an awkward silence subduing the moment. While grandpa started to say something, maa was still silent. And then, what he said was just ineffable, really… how beautiful it was!

He said: “Imagine, we’ve been saving money since a long time. It is very precious and valuable to us. We kinda feel fortunate to have it with ourselves. We nurture it and handle it with great care. After sometime, when our savings turn into a handsome amount, we decide to deposit it in the bank with an intention of earning interest. The concept of earning interest excites and exhilarates us thoroughly. (While, I was listening to him.. I was baffled out completely due to my inability to fathom between what he tried to convey and the question we had put up… but soon, there was no more blurness, things turned clear and coherent.) Did you note one important thing?? That even though the hard earned money we had saved was certainly more than the interest that we were gonna earn… still, the idea of gaining interest rejuvenated and excited us the most. Now, put an end to the imagination and listen carefully. The money we nurtured and the money which made our life survivable as well as bearable is our children & the little amount of interest we earned that gladdened our lives are you!!!

After he concluded, my sister was trying to understand what actually grandpa’s answer was, while I was lost in the depth of whatever he had said. I couldn’t help but just smile:) He answered the question as well as neglected it with great smartness…But besides smart, his philosophy was more than anything damn beautiful.

Although, we did not obtain a clear answer that day, but we gained a lot more..!💕                 I remember that ‘Sun-day’, how luminous and bright it was…!


Dear someone..need your assistance!

While journeying through life, we all arrive at a junction which may seem to be the most beautiful and ravishing. But, when we step onto the junction, it seems entirely in disguise unveiling all the melancholy and dolor. The time when life holds on to us as firm as it can and drags us to an unpalatable place where we are left out with just our phosphenes.             If you still do not get it, I am talking about the teenage, where everything turns different. Everything seems fascinating filled with abundant exuberance. It feels like just enjoy and enjoy and enjoy!! But with that come maligns like uncertainty, confusion and things start growing dicey all of a sudden.

We start observing abnormal things in our surroundings, things that disturb even our innermost core. When something bizarre occurs around, the most upsetting and complicated is I forget how to react to the situation, suddenly my brain sort of stops working, I try figuring out how to respond and meanwhile things begin slipping through my fingers.

When today happened to be such a day for me, I was left out in the most baffling labyrinth with two enigmatic dilemmas: whether, I should pretend to be strong and audacious enough to perhaps, overlook and sideline those hard-to-ignore things or should I act intolerant and sensitive, and pamper the frustration until it RESTS IN PEACE??

             SONAL DUGAR♥                                 

PS : Maybe you could help me out??
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “I wanted everything to stay the same, but feelings fade and things change..” My abhorrence for ‘changes’ can definitely do no wonders, they occur long time back but having realized them takes it damn all away!!!                                                         

Today, while sitting at the high table, dining with a person, perhaps with whom I have shared the most of my childhood rather shared the most of me….I realised that our relation had suffered through much of a reorientation. And to my surprise what made me agnize this, were none other than the little red pickled onions!! Doesn’t it sound weird?? But, yeah… We were sitting beside each other when these little onions entered into the scenario. There were many of them, amazingly pinkish and smelling extraordinarily tempting. We took one for ourselves and I was looking desperately at this forever companion of mine, I was eagerly waiting for her to simper and say ‘Remember?!’. But…humph!! Glancing at her face, I could visualise and elicit us in those days, when we literally fought for those onions. We just grabbed them through the tiny fingers of ours. We rolled it down our fingers, we wore them in all of our five fingers and after much of teasing each other, we would just bolt them down.                                                                          

But, now it is quieter and to be honest, severely painful!! “In the judiciary of life, it is stated that CHANGE IS THE LAW OF LIFE…but having lost all of those little things which rendered us with pleasure and complacency feels like an injustice of LIFE!!”  
                                                              SONAL DUGAR❤️


Anonymous no more…

There is always a man I have looked up to in no matter what situation, a man filled with great poise and aplomb. A person who seems to have mastered every aspect of life. A man who dares to flirt with the vehemence of life….dad!!!   I do not know the reason but recently, dad made up his mind to introspect his attainment in the field of music as well. He started to learn playing guitar. I was stunned to see that how he explores some or the other boost to freshen up life. It wasn’t any up in the air, now, that he was really determined. After returning  home, each night I could see him holding the guitar in his hand and trying to figure out the chords. The way he holded the instrument could clearly portray his desperation and an undeviating mind. Initially, I sat down beside him trying to puzzle out the anonymous beats he played but gradually those beats were anonymous no more.                     Since, the day I began understanding people, I could always recognise him as a complete man who could prove his excellence anytime. Despite many hindrances, he always presented himself extremely well. And maybe because he carried himself this well,it was absolutely a unique experience to see that what made him struggle were the little strings of the guitar. I always saw him as an accomplished and ready stock but I never thought of seeing his processing and refining stage!

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(BLACK)Now I realize why she laughed @ me!!

There are so many things that you want back in your life…!!
Perhaps if this question is put up infront of me , my answer certainly would be me myself in that phase of life which is cherished by everyone ..
I hope you got it !!
“My childhood”
There is a lot to say on this subject but today I would praise my innocence a bit..
I know that praising yourself is not a good habit but still I would like you to meet me in my child avatar…
All my relatives and family members believe that I was a very sincere and a quiet child that time
(Hahahaa!) But let me tell you this is just an illusion..
But I totally agree that I was very innocent and childlike…and I dont want these qualities to ever perish.
Once a girl in my neighbour came to my home and asked me certain questions because she was asked to do a survey…   I was glad she chose me ..I tried to act in a very sophisticated and an appealing manner as if I am a celebrity who is going to be interviewed and  would be asked about her views on international matters!!
She asked me numerous questions and I sitting with legs crossed and hands folded answered all of them excellently.
The story begins now!!
Then she asked me my favourite colour..and my answer was

Her laughter was very embarrassing for me. I mean what was so hilarious about it..
After all this, she said bye to my mother and left..
And I was sitting as a statue at that moment.
Although my mother didn’t ask me why black was the answer still I justified myself saying ,
“No one in this world likes black . He must feels so lonely and sorrowful, that is the reason I favoured him mumma”
My mother held me in her arms and hugged me tightly .

When today mumma narrates these incidents I realize the reason why my answer had overtaken that girl with a wave of hilarity.

I wish this innocence never dies within me..!!